Can't give up just yet
by buttercupgalaxy
Summary: Missing scene for beginning of LDC. Both boys go their separate ways to cool off and think. This is what they got up to and their thoughts as they consider the ramifications of Dean's deal and find the resolve to save themselves and eachother. PLS R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is only my second fanfic, so please be nice.**

**I had planned to get this posted before the finale for all the folks in the USA, but work has been manic and it my boyfriend's birthday tonight so I have had a surprise party to plan!!**

**First chapter focuses on Sam, the second follows Dean.**

**This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Oh yeah, and as sad as it is I don't own them, I leave that please to Kripke and co.**

"_Where are you going now?" Dean called after his brother._

"_Well it looks like I'm going to Ohio!" Sam called back, then spun on his heel and started walking._

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He wasn't exactly sure where he was going, but he did know he had to get away from his brother right now, before he exploded.

Some many thoughts were running through his mind about what the professor had just told him, the deal and now Dean's revelation.

_I'm gonna kill her, _he thought. How could Ruby lie to him like that? The only reason he hadn't sent her ass packing back down to hell already had been her promise that she could save Dean. Now though, he couldn't wait to catch her in a Devil's Trap and send her right back to where she belonged.

_How could I have been so stupid and naive? _Sam berated himself as he wove between the people filling the street; friends and families huddling together under umbrellas as the rain began; business men and women in suits hurrying from one meeting to another, briefcases clutched firmly in their hands. They were all oblivious to the evil and terror around them. Jealously pooled in the pit of Sam's stomach. If only the Winchesters' lives were normal. Dean wouldn't be going to hell in 21 days, 10 hours and 45 minutes.

Sam pulled the collar of his jacket up around his ears as the cold rain snaked down his back and chest, making his t-shirt and flannel shirt cling to him and numb his body, not that he really cared. His thoughts were elsewhere.

Ruby had bloody promised him. _Demons lie Sammy. _Dean's voice filtered through his thoughts. _Hmph, _he thought. Dean had been right all along. He never should've trusted Ruby; but, the thought of saving Dean had been too tempting to resist. He was willing to do anything it took to save his brother, _anything_. And at the time that had meant alliances with a demon. Looking back now he supposed he should've been more suspicious. She just turned up unannounced, knowing more about his family than he did and offering a miracle.

_So stupid, so stupid, so stupid. _Sam continued his mantra as he trudged along, shoulders hunched, brows set to a frown. He had no idea where he was going, but after a while it seemed as though he had crossed to 'the other side of the tracks', so to speak. Up ahead he saw a rundown bar, a neon sign in the window announcing 2 for 1 on anything. _Perfect, _thought Sam as he crossed the gravelled parking lot and pushed through the wooden door. Its high pitched wine as it swung inwards announced his entrance to the handful of patrons already drowning their sorrows before noon.

Sam crossed to the bar. _What the hell am I doing, this is so Dean's scene_.

"What can I get you?" the barmen grumbled from his spot on the other side of the counter.

"One beer," came Sam's short request. He exchanged a few crumpled dollar bills for the bottle and turned towards the booths lining the back wall. Choosing one with the best view of the door and smokey room, Sam fell into his seat, letting his shoulders hunch forward and his head fall so that his chin almost reached his chest.

He was done with being angry – angry at his dad for making Dean believe he always had to sacrifice himself; angry at the crossroads demon's decision to grant Dean only one measly year; furious at Dean for accepting the deal; but deep down, he was livid at himself. If the demon had never been after him in the first place the demon would not have killed their mother, or left Sam to fight it to the death in Cold Oak and Dean would not be facing eternity in hell.

He could still remember, vividly, how it had felt. The rage and the anger, how out of control he'd been when he had figured out that Dean had sold in exchange for his life. Sometimes, now and then, he'd have nightmares about - that in a few precious weeks his brother's soul would be trapped in hell, at the mercy of the hell fire and demons he had exorcised over his life.

As he rolled the bottle of Bud between his hands he looked back on the hunts he and his brother had taken on, side by side. He had no idea of how many people Dean had saved over the last 20 years. How many evil things he had destroyed. How could that all count for nothing now? Despite all the bad things Sam had seen in this life, all the evil he had come to face, he still held a belief that to juxtapose all the malice and hate, there had to be a higher being, made of nothing but love – be it God or something humans had not yet come to think of, he didn't know. But he had been sure they had been watching over his family. Even with the infamous Winchester bad luck his family had survived 20 years of demon hunting.

Now though, he had never felt more alone. His brother was leaving him, his only remaining family. He had vowed that there no way in hell he was abandoning his brother. _Huh, hell._ Thanks to Dean's revelation that even Ruby didn't hold the key to saving his brother, he didn't know what else to do.

Dean was his rock. Whether protecting him, taking the mick out of him or pestering him beyond belief with his food habits and loud music, Sam wouldn't change him for the world. Sam didn't want any other family. Despite butting heads with his Dad almost constantly after he hit his teens, Sam knew the deep bond shared by the Winchester men was something special. If he could pick his family, Dean and Dad would be it, all over again, through everything.

Sam knew there was nothing his brother, and his father before his death, wouldn't do for him, and that sentiment was reciprocated 100 percent.

Now though, it looked as though he was going to be left with nothing. All alone with no one to share the good times or the bad with; to fight over first shower with, or just with brothers with. He wasn't ready to say goodbye to all of that yet, not for another 50 years at least. But now he was faced with the very real prospect of being forced to part from his brother, with no hope that they would meet again, that Dean would be waiting for him with his parents and Jess. He didn't know how to say goodbye now, especially as he never wanted to say it at all.

For some reason, Sam already missed his brother. Already he was not the Dean he had grown up with, heck been _raised _by. The person he knew he could always depend on, even when he wasn't there... that somehow, someway, Dean would come through for his little brother if he really, truly needed him. That he'd never let me down. Dean was slowly becoming an empty shell, crumbling in front of his eyes and there was nothing he could do. No matter how much he protested to his brother that there was still hope, still a chance, he knew it wasn't true.

He had exhausted every possible lead, called every contact that the Winchesters or Bobby Singer had ever heard of, and then some. He wasn't ready to accept that he couldn't save his brother. Not yet, not after he promised. After all, Winchesters don't break their promises. He couldn't believe what was happening. His whole world was disintegrating around him and no matter how blaze Dean decided to act, he was scared. Scared shitless in fact.

He stared at the now luke warm beer resting in his hands. Swirling the amber liquid his heart ached with the knowledge of what his brother had done. Sam couldn't believe it and desperately wanted no _needed_ a miracle. They would find a way out for him. They didn't have time for denial, for what ifs and waiting on false promises. He pushes himself up, squaring his shoulders and heading for the door.

He doesn't have time to lose; he was going to save his brother.

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**AN2: Planned to end this on a lower note, but with how Sam has been acting recently, I decided to end with his resolve to save his brother. **

**Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought. Thanks soph x x**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I can't even remember when it was that I posted part 1 of this fic, but let's just say it's been I while. I was reminded about it through a wonderful review I was sent [hint hint :D]**

**Disclaimer: As much as a dream it so, I do not own the boys or any of their universe, I'm merely borrowing them from the master Mr Kripke**

**Oh yeah – this is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine, Enjoy!**

"_Where are you going now?" Dean called after his brother._

"_Well it looks like I'm going to Ohio!" Sam called back, then spun on his heel and started walking._

S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S*S

He watched his brother walk away, again. Throwing his arms up and slamming them back down to his sides Dean too turned on his heal and stalked away. There was no point going after Sam when he was like this, as Dean had learnt from experience when Sam was a teenager and had butted heads with both himself and their father. Those two were just too alike to live together. So, the oldest surviving Winchester had some time on his hands.

Normally, and without hesitation, Dean would have headed straight for a bar and drowned his thoughts in some John, Jack or José; maybe find a nice looking woman to pass the time with. Today, though, it would seem that his heart just wasn't in it. Instead he began walking, dodging the suits that streamed up and down the pavement. It made Dean wonder about how different his life could have been if the demon had never come to their home in Laurence and destroyed the lives of the small Winchester family. Sam would have gone to Stanford with the blessing of both his parents, married Jessica and become some hot-shot lawyer; and given Mary all the grandchildren she had wanted. Dean would have been helping people – he knew that was always what he was supposed to do – maybe those childhood dreams of becoming a fire fighter could have been a reality.

A sharp wind twisted down the street, breaking Dean from his musings and awakening him to the increasing fall of rain hitting his leather clad shoulders and snaking down under his collar, sending chills down his back. A sea of umbrellas opened in front of him, more than one threatening to poke an eye out. Seeing an overhanging ledge above a door, Dean sidestepped puddles and people to climb the stone steps to the wooden door and make-do shelter from the almost monsoon rains.

Twisting to get out of the path of the waterfall of rain that was distorting and blurring the image of the people rushing to escape the rain, Dean pushed himself further against the solid door behind him. The dark wood groaned slightly against his weight as Dean pulled his warm leather jacket tighter around him. Before Dean could be lost in his thoughts again, the door he was leaning on shifted inwards. Thrown off balance Dean swung around, an elderly face meeting his.

"Would you like to come in, son?" The bearded face questioned.

"Ah," Dean queried, his eyes searching the man in front of him and the small amount of space he could see beyond the door. Tall stone walls stretched up and along farther than the hunter could make, illuminated by soft lights hanging from the ceiling and the gentle flicker of candles. His gaze travelled from the interior of the building to the neck of the man standing before him, noticing the stark white collar which disappeared on both sides under the pressed black shirt. "Sure, why not. Thanks."

The elderly priest stepped back, gesturing Dean further inside the ancient church. The smell of incense hit the young man's senses as he surveyed his refuge from the rain.

"You are welcome to stay until the rain passes," the religious man offered.

"Cheers Padre," Dean accepted, flashing a trademark grin as he moved down the aisle.

"I have to prepare for this evening's mass, so please just make yourself comfortable." The priest turned and moved down the side of the church and slipped into the vestry.

_Huh_, Dean thought, clicking his tongue a few times in the awkwardness of being left alone in such a large and open space, let alone a church. _This is so Sam's scene, _he mused, falling into a hard wooden pew. As he listened to the harsh beating of the rain on the roof far above him, Dean let his thoughts wander again. He considered his current location and could have laughed at the irony, if it wasn't for the weight crushing his chest.

He was going to hell, and no one could save him. He had been holding out hope that Sam would find a miracle cure, but he knew it wasn't true. Whilst Sam had still held some faith in Ruby being his key from the one-way trip down under, Dean had kidded himself that he would be saved. Now that he had admitted the truth to his brother, there was no way of escaping the inevitable fact that he was going to die and his soul would spend an eternity in hell.

Not that he could show this to Sam though. He had to be big brother Dean – keep his game face on. All his life he had put Sam before himself, and he would continue to do the same right up to the end. Since he was four years old it had been his job to look after Sam, their dad didn't even need to say anything. It was his responsibility; his pain in the ass little brother depended on him and gave Dean a purpose. In a fucked up world of evil demons, sick hillbillies and ghosts that were determined to strangle the life out of the two of them, Sam was Dean's light at the end of tunnel.

Now, that light was hell fire. He was dying. Staring down the barrel at this thing... Hell, for real... forever... and he was scared. Actually he was freaking terrified and needed to believe. For once he was the emotional one, hoping against hope and putting all faith in a miracle. Desperate... that's the word for it. He was going to Hell in a few weeks and Dean was scared and desperate and willing to believe anything.

So the attractive hunter did something he hadn't done since he was four, sitting on the edge of his bed with his mother, he prayed. Really prayed, not a 'please God make the hangover stop' or 'God help me if Sam doesn't stop snoring' prayer.

He gave a small chuckle in the back of his throat at what he was about to do. Took a deep breath and begun.

_So, I'm really not sure what I'm doing, heck I'm not quite sure you exist, but hear goes. If you are out there, if you're listening then __please__ you gotta help me. I don't want to die. I truly don't. You gotta give me a way out of this deal; there are people out there to save, evil sons of bitches to be blasted. And Sam – something's coming and I gotta protect him, I have to keep him safe. It's my job. He's my responsibility. He's got Ruby in his ear twisting everything; I don't trust her – demon after all – and I can't leave Sam on his own. What if something gets him? What if something happens when I'm not there? I gotta stay with him for this war that's coming._

_But, look, if you can't save me. You promise me to keep an eye on my little bitch of a brother. I can't bear to think about my soul being tortured and destroyed into that of a demon, but __don't __let Sam do the same thing. _

At that point two tears started to snake their way down Dean's face, leaving wet tracks in their wake. He reached up a hand to quickly swipe them away, feeling guilty at showing such open emotion. He resumed his conversation with God in his head.

_Sam is strong, I know he is – raised him that way – so just make sure he had that shot at normal he always wanted. He got so close at Stanford, with Jessica. Well he deserves that again. His huge brain belongs in a courtroom winning cases, whilst a wife and kids wait to welcome him home, probably with something baked that day. Please, just __please __keep my family safe when I'm gone. So, yeah, thanks I guess. _

Dean took a deep breath and sat up straighter in his seat, as though a large weight had lifted from his shoulders. Released from his thoughts he noticed the rain had stopped above him. He knew he should probably go back to the motel. Sam was likely to be back soon once he had cooled off, and an absent Dean would not make him particularly happy. Gathering enough strength the troubled young man pushed himself to stand and headed purposefully back to the large wooden doors of the church. Tugging them open he stepped out, enjoying the cool 'after the rain' smell of the street.

His stride lengthening and quickening, Dean began the walk back to his $40 a night motel. Still terrified, he was determined to make sure both he and Sam made it through what was coming. What the future he had in store for him he wasn't sure, but he was determined to face it head on and prepared.

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**I wasn't sure about Dean in a church, but I liked, as Chuck would say the poetic symmetry, of Dean here and Sam in a bar. Plus I loved the vulnerability that Dean showed towards the end of the season and I wanted to try and show that here, though as always he would make sure Sam was safe first.**

**I have also written a small scene where the priest watches Dean leave and notices a change in him. Let me know if you want to see that.**

**I hope you enjoyed – so PLEASE let me know and leave a ****review****. Thanks :D**


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